If your almost-four-year-old suddenly fights bedtime, pops up with “one more” questions, or wakes before sunrise, you are not imagining it. Many families notice a bumpy patch around this age. The label “4-year-old sleep regression” makes it sound like a universal developmental stage. In reality, what you are seeing is usually a very fixable mix of shifting sleep needs, normal imagination growth, and a couple of well-studied behavior patterns that respond to simple routine and environment changes.
What is actually happening at four?
Pediatric sleep specialists often describe two behavior patterns that drive bedtime drama:
- Sleep-onset associations. Your child relies on something external to fall asleep, often you in the room or you lying in the bed. When that external help is missing at 2 a.m., the brain asks for the same conditions again. The American Family Physician review calls these “behavioral insomnias of childhood” and recommends behavioral strategies rather than medications. [1]
- Limit-setting issues. This is the classic “one more drink, one more story, one more hug.” It is common, and there are tested ways to respond that feel kind and consistent. [1]
Layer on two normal developmental changes:
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Naps are shifting. Between ages 3 and 5, many kids shorten or stop napping. When a nap is no longer needed, it can push bedtime later and shorten night sleep. [2]
- Imagination is exploding. Rich pretend play also means new nighttime worries. You do not need to pathologize this. A few steady bedtime habits usually calm things down.
The routine that works in real homes
A short, consistent routine is linked with earlier bedtimes, faster sleep onset, fewer night wakings, and longer sleep. Large multi-country data shows a clear dose-response pattern: the more consistent the routine, the better the sleep. [3] Good news for busy families: when parents introduce the same steps in the same order, benefits can show up quickly.
A 20–30 minute blueprint you can copy tonight:
- Wind-down, 5–10 minutes. Dim the lights. Offer quiet play or a simple puzzle. Bathroom.
- Bath, brush, pajamas, about 10 minutes. Keep the narration calm and predictable: “Bath, brush, pajamas.”
- Two short books, 5–10 minutes. Sit in the same spot each night.
- Lights out. Use one short phrase that never changes: “Sleep time. See you in the morning.”
Two helpful scripts
“It is sleepy-body time. Bath, brush, books, bed.”
“Two stories, one song, lights out.”
Screens and lights matter
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends keeping screens out of the hour before bed for young children. Content can be stimulating and the light itself can delay melatonin. [4] If you have a TV in the room, move it out. If a tablet lives near the bed, relocate it to a charging spot in the kitchen.
What if your child “needs me in the room to fall asleep”
When your presence is the sleep cue, night wakings are almost guaranteed. The encouraging part: behavioral approaches for pediatric insomnia are effective across many studies. A 2014 meta-analysis confirms strong evidence for parent-friendly methods like faded parental presence, graduated checks, and bedtime fading. [5]
Faded parental presence, step by step.
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Nights 1–3: You sit near the bed. Minimal talking.
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Nights 4–6: Move your chair halfway to the door.
- Nights 7–9: Sit at the doorway, then outside the room.
Keep the routine identical. Praise your child in the morning for doing the job of falling asleep.
If tears run high, go slower. The goal is to transfer the “fall asleep” skill to your child with support, not to create a power struggle.
The “one more” problem and a research-backed solution
The Bedtime Pass is one of the simplest tools for stallers. You give your child one small “pass” each night for a reasonable request after lights-out. When the pass is used, it is surrendered. If it is not used, a small morning reward appears. Clinical work shows this reduces curtain calls and is acceptable to families. [6][7]
How to try it
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Make a card together. Explain that after lights-out, the pass can be traded for one bathroom trip or one extra hug.
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Put a tiny sticker on a chart for an unused pass.
- Pair the pass with a fixed lights-out time and the same routine steps.
When the nap is the problem
If bedtime has crept late or your child lies awake 30 to 45 minutes before sleep, take a hard look at the nap. Evidence suggests that after age 2, routine daytime sleep is often associated with later sleep onset and shorter night sleep in otherwise healthy preschoolers. [2] If your child is done with naps but still benefits from downtime, use quiet time instead. Offer books, a couple of stuffed animals, and low light for 30 to 60 minutes. On no-nap days, pull bedtime earlier.
Light is your friend in the morning
If early rising is part of the picture, anchor the day with a consistent wake time and bright morning light. Outdoor light or a very bright indoor space soon after waking helps set the circadian clock for an earlier, easier bedtime. Pediatric sleep programs commonly use timed light exposure as part of circadian scheduling. Morning bright light has demonstrated effects on advancing the circadian rhythm in young people, which is why it is often included in pediatric guidance. [8]
A one-week plan:
Night 1. Start the routine. Move screens out of the last hour.
Night 2. Use the same words and steps. If your child needs you in the room, begin the chair plan.
Night 3. Hold wake time steady. Add morning light, even 10 minutes on the porch.
Night 4. If a nap happened and bedtime drifted late, try quiet time tomorrow instead.
Night 5–7. Keep the plan rolling. Add a sticker chart for unused Bedtime Pass nights.
When to call your pediatrician
Call if you notice loud snoring most nights, breathing that looks labored, or daytime behavior shifts even when you are protecting sleep. These can be signs of sleep-disordered breathing and are worth a medical check. [1]
Gentle note on the sleep setup: Breathable, kid-specific bedding and a washable protector make nighttime easier for everyone. If your child “runs hot,” a cooler room and breathable layers help your routine work even better.
References
[1] Deshpande P, et al. Common Sleep Disorders in Children. American Family Physician, 2022.
[2] Thorpe K, et al. Napping, development and health from 0 to 5 years: a systematic review. Archives of Disease in Childhood, 2015.
[3] Mindell JA, et al. Bedtime routines for young children: a dose-dependent association with sleep outcomes. Sleep Medicine, 2015.
[4] American Academy of Pediatrics. Media and Young Minds. Pediatrics, 2016.
[5] Meltzer LJ, et al. Systematic review and meta-analysis of behavioral interventions for pediatric insomnia. Journal of Pediatric Psychology, 2014.
[6] Friman PC, et al. The Bedtime Pass. JAMA Pediatrics, 1999.
[7] Freeman KA. Treating Bedtime Resistance with the Bedtime Pass. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 2006.
[8] Misiunaite I, et al. Morning bright light advances circadian rhythms. Clocks & Sleep, 2020.